Better format: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PqGPOvC41W0Rc_HLSCM34lYpmg_Jqat0YdPo-uUTYfQ/edit?usp=sharing
Instructor: Kyueun Kim
COM 1010
Olga Avram
Final Reflection
Fears and Failures
Admittedly, I only took Communications 1010 because the class is mandatory in order to graduate Baruch college. As it may be apparent to the students in the class and the professor, my reasons for taking the class were not because I was already adequate at constructing and delivering speeches. My experiences with public speaking have never been completely positive or natural for the sole existence of fear and failures. In my opinion and experience, when one speaks to a crowd, or even just a singular person, they fear the consequences. Ultimately, the human nature longs for acceptance, so when one speaks their mind they risk breaking that acceptance because not everyone will agree with them. While presenting and catching someone roll their eyes, or maybe just yawn, triggers and heightens glossophobia, the fear of public speaking. Those little gestures, which can be anticipated before the presentation or during an actual presentation, spread the fear of rejection and signify failure.
As a child, giving out presentations in front of the class were not difficult to me because I did not realize or care about what the other students (or even the teachers) thought, so I looked at the task as an assignment that I had to just get over. Similarly, as a child, I was to be dared to stand up on the table in the cafeteria and shout something, chances are I probably would without thinking about the reactions or consequences. Growing up and reaching the ripe age of pre-teenhood, opinions of others suddenly became very significant. Presenting, delivering speeches, and even asking a store worker where the bathroom is, became much more difficult because of the nasty fear that something would go wrong and the reactions would be negative. When I delivered my first speech in the class on my personal object, my sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for fight or flight, was very much active. Not only was I sharing a vital part of my personality with two dozen of strangers, but I was also doing it for the first time in a more pressured and official situation where I was graded, which would affect my Grade Point Average and future employment. The first sign of my personal failure was when I realized my hands were shaking, but I remembered that the textbook said that you appear less nervous than you feel, which relaxed me, but not for too long. After I presented, I remember someone pointed out that my hands were shaking and that made my speech very distracting. The second time around, although I feared less about sharing my speech because the topic was less personal, I feared that people would find modern art confusing and boring. Another sign of my failures was when, after my informative speech, there was confusion about some terms, which was not just a sign of failure, it was a complete failure because I was unable to educate someone on my topic.
Looking back, my signs of failure and fear all rested in the response of the audience. Where the fear was more stemming from my inner thoughts and anticipation of what I expected to go wrong, and where the failure all rested in the hands of the listeners. I believe that many others can relate to my way of thinking, which is why the fear of public speaking, glossophobia, is widespread. Baruch mandates everyone to take communications because of the vitality and real world applications. I may not have to integrate trigonometric equations daily as a future accountant, but I will certainly have to communicate daily. For that reason, colleges around the globe focus on improving how students deliver speeches, and I am glad because this class has certainly aided me. Despite the failures, I mentioned, and many more that are kept in the back of my brain, as hard as it is to process, failure is not the definition of experience, it is what comes after it. As a motivator, Denis Waitley, once explained, “Failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker. Failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Failure is something we can avoid only by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.”
